Domestic Violence - Seeing the Signs

An article in the New York Times today reports that a man from Queens is being sought in the shooting death of his girlfriend.  The article can be found here.

Sadly, this story is a historically familiar one.  A man, most likely suffering from some undiagnosed mental health illness, becomes increasingly jealous, whether of real or perceived threats to his relationship with a woman.  His jealously becomes so consuming that he begins to act differently. Hostile.  Unpredictable.  Angry.  Accusatory.

And yet.  Just days before she was shot and killed the victim in today's story expressed no concerns for her own safety.  Indeed, in 20 years of practicing in the Family Courts, I have frequently encountered women who have expressed little to no concern for their safety even after they have been victims of serious domestic violence.  To be sure, many suffer from battered woman's syndrome.

However, just as many fail to appreciate or understand that there is help everywhere.  The Family Court was designed to aid victims of domestic violence by issuing orders of protection that can be crafted to direct abusers from remaining away from the victim.  There are domestic violence shelters all throughout the city.  For example, an organization called Safe Horizons helps hundreds of victims of domestic violence each year and assists them in finding appropriate shelters.

Unfortunately, many victims of domestic violence have told me things such as "It was just a slap" or "I wasn't like I was bruised or bleeding."  This is a dangerous slope because, in truth, once an abuser manifests the intention to act out his or her aggression, a threshold has been permanently crossed and rarely, if ever, is that the last time they will act out in that fashion, the fervent hopes of the victims notwithstanding.

That is not to say, of course, that the abusers cannot be helped.  There are plenty of options for them to seek help as well.  For example, the Forestdale Father's Initiative offers wonderful programs to address the abusers' side of domestic violence.

Finally, it is worth pointing out that there are as many kinds of victims of domestic violence as there are abusers.  I have simply tailored this post to the most common scenario where a woman is being abused by a man.  But the reverse happens surprisingly often and there are also same sex couples who experience the ills of domestic violence.  Whatever the configuration of your family, ignoring or minimizing the problem will not help.  Seek the aid of an attorney qualified to work in the family court.  Or, if that step seems too daunting, contact your local precinct.

Living Close to The Ex - For the Child's Sake

There is nothing about custody disputes that is easy.  Indeed, even when the parents remain somewhat amicable, complications tend to arise.  However, one of the hurdles parents often confront is transporting the children over great distances when one of the parents moves away.  The distance alone makes equitable parenting time for each side difficult.

As a result, some parents have opted to stay close to their children (and the ex), sometimes as close as the same house or apartment building. In a recent article in the New York Times, several parents discussed how they were able to make this work.  The article can be found here.

This is a testament to the timeless fact that there is no better people qualified to craft a fair resolution to custody disputes than the parents.  Specifically, parents are not bound by legalities.  They can do things courts cannot order, such as live near their co-parent to facilitate a plethora of issues such as parenting time, child care and getting the child(ren) to their extra-curricular activities.

It is always best to exhaust every possible opportunity to settle your case without the court so that more flexible (and therefore workable) situations can be worked out with the least amount of emotional stress.

Believing Too Late

Both in and out of Family Court, women seeking orders of protection are too often confronted with skepticism.  By all who encounter them, police officers, judges, and sometimes even those charged to advocate for them, battered women often have to deal with people who simply cannot accept that they were abused, or that there is "another side to the story".  Such was a case that just ended in New York where the abuser, Jason Bohn, was just sentenced to life in prison for the killing of his girlfriend, Danielle Thomas.  The full story can be seen here.

In Ms. Thomas' case, she already had an order of protection.  Moreover, she had played a recording for the police in which Mr. Bohn had threatened her with even more serious injuries even after the order of protection was issued.  And yet, steps were not taken which may have prevented this tragedy.

It is certainly true that a number of people try to game the system by making false allegations of domestic violence to enable them to become eligible for a number of different city services, including housing.  But as advocates, it is always better to accept the allegations of victims as true, until we are convinced otherwise, if, for no other reason, than to prevent yet another tragedy of this magnitude.

Expanded Access to Family Court - "Intimate Relationships"

For many people seeking orders of protection, the Family Court may now be a possible resource. Previously, the Family Court was limited to hearing cases between spouses, people with a child in common or some form of blood relationship. However, the Famil Court can now hear cases involving issues between two people who are or have been in an "intimate relationship". You can review the specific language of the statute and about some of its implications here.

The question remains. . .what is an "intimate" relationship? Unfortunately, so far, not even the judges and referees have demonstrated a particularly strong understanding of the breadth of this expansion. As a result, in several counties, litigants must be prepared to prove to a designated J.H.O. (judicial hearing officer - generally former judges who now work part time) whether or not they have had an intimate relationship with the person against whom they are now seeking an order of protection.

As there is not much in the way of precedent on this issue, I can only offer my own experience since the law was enacted to give potential parties some guidance. Clearly, couples who lived together, both heterosexual and gay, and never had a child together would qualify, particularly if they had a sexual relationship. And while it is not specifically required that the parties live together or had a sexual relationship, it is unclear whether mere roommates qualify however, as one J.H.O. has ruled that they do have standing to seek an order of protection while another has ruled they have not. The distinguishing factor in these two cases was the length of time they had lived together, the shared nature of their finances, etc. However, absent the usual circumstances of people living together in a sexual relationship, the waters for would-be litigants get pretty murky. This is no doubt complicated by the fact that the last thing the Family Court needs is an onslaught of new litigants further congesting the court's already ridiculously bloated dockets.

For example, should a girlfriend who is being relentlessly harassed by an ex-wife of her new boyfriend have the right to go to Family Court? Should a mother who is assaulted by her former son-in-law have the right? Each case is different and needs to be examined independently. As a general rule, I would suggest that the more substantial and long lasting the connections between the parties, the more likely the Family Court is going permit the alleged victim to seek an order of protection.

Do I Need A Lawyer For Family Court?

To be sure, New York City Family Court is a far less formal place than many of the other courts in the State of New York. There are no juries, no fees to file petitions, clerks who assist pro se litigants (parties appearing without an attorney) with drafting and filing petitions as well as a host of volunteer organizations in the court designed to assist litigants. As a result, representing yourself in Family Court is made far easier than in most other courts. In addition, in many cases, such as in some paternity and support cases, the issues confronting the court and the litigants are fairly straightforward and sometimes may not require retaining an attorney.

On the other hand, the rights at stake can often be enormous, such as whether you are entitled to have custody of your child and, if not, when or how often you will be permitted to visit with your child, whether your child is going to be removed from your home, temporarily or permanently, for a variety of reasons, or whether a party is attempting to conceal income and thwart your efforts to obtain a fair amount of child support. These are just a small sampling of issues confronting litigants in Family Court.

The decision to hire an attorney to advance your rights in Family Court is an important one. Unfortunately, many people make the mistake of assuming because they are intelligent and are accustomed to speaking in front of other people that they will be fine representing themselves. However, notwithstanding the absence of a heightened formality in Family Court, relative to the other courts in New York, there are still a plethora of legal rules and procedures that many lay persons simply have no knowledge about. What's more, there is no telling whether a person's ignorance about these rules and procedures will adversely effect their cases until it is too late.

As a general rule therefore, it is always safer to at least consult with an attorney before you go to court. Many attorneys offer free initial consultations and the ones that do not generally charge a small fee for the consultation. But the guidance and/or advice you receive may be extremely valuable beginning with whether or not you need an attorney at all. If, after the consultation, you choose to proceed on your own, you will at least have a better understanding about what to expect from the process. Also, it is worth noting that you are free to change your mind at any time and retain the services of an attorney if things do not go as you expected or the case becomes more complicated than you anticipated.

One of the reasons I am starting this blog is provide a forum for people seeking information about what to do in a given situation confronting them in Family Court. The information provided here is not intended as legal advice and does not constitute a consultation, nor an attorney-client relationship. However, it may give you a better idea on how to proceed with your case.

So, feel free to post a comment and I will respond as quickly as possible.