Living Close to The Ex - For the Child's Sake

There is nothing about custody disputes that is easy.  Indeed, even when the parents remain somewhat amicable, complications tend to arise.  However, one of the hurdles parents often confront is transporting the children over great distances when one of the parents moves away.  The distance alone makes equitable parenting time for each side difficult.

As a result, some parents have opted to stay close to their children (and the ex), sometimes as close as the same house or apartment building. In a recent article in the New York Times, several parents discussed how they were able to make this work.  The article can be found here.

This is a testament to the timeless fact that there is no better people qualified to craft a fair resolution to custody disputes than the parents.  Specifically, parents are not bound by legalities.  They can do things courts cannot order, such as live near their co-parent to facilitate a plethora of issues such as parenting time, child care and getting the child(ren) to their extra-curricular activities.

It is always best to exhaust every possible opportunity to settle your case without the court so that more flexible (and therefore workable) situations can be worked out with the least amount of emotional stress.

Mediation - Resolving Your Own Differences

There is little doubt among professionals who encounter custody and visitation cases, whether those professionals be judges, referees, lawyers, social workers or mediators, that the most qualified people to resolve these cases are the mother and father.  Sometimes, however, the level of communication between the parties is less than ideal.  At other times, one or both parties may not be entirely sure of what their legal rights and responsibilities are and therefore become reluctant to negotiate "in the dark."  It is at times like these that an attorney and/or mediator can be of vital assistance in helping to bridge the gap between parties who are considering litigation. 

At the very least mediation can help crystallize the issues that cannot be resolved without the need for litigation.  Even this is a laudable goal since it will focus the scope of litigation and therefore reduce the time and expense.  But more often, parents who have reasonable expectations can craft a workable plan without the need of litigation.  This is usually ideal for both parties as it allows them to create a plan for parenting time that comports with their own schedules, rather than having a plan imposed on them by a third party stranger and then have to "make it work". 

My advice to parents who are considering litigation is to take the time to meet with the other parent with the assistance of a qualified mediator.  It is a small investment that will pay enormous financial, as well as emotional, dividends.