Domestic Violence - Seeing the Signs

An article in the New York Times today reports that a man from Queens is being sought in the shooting death of his girlfriend.  The article can be found here.

Sadly, this story is a historically familiar one.  A man, most likely suffering from some undiagnosed mental health illness, becomes increasingly jealous, whether of real or perceived threats to his relationship with a woman.  His jealously becomes so consuming that he begins to act differently. Hostile.  Unpredictable.  Angry.  Accusatory.

And yet.  Just days before she was shot and killed the victim in today's story expressed no concerns for her own safety.  Indeed, in 20 years of practicing in the Family Courts, I have frequently encountered women who have expressed little to no concern for their safety even after they have been victims of serious domestic violence.  To be sure, many suffer from battered woman's syndrome.

However, just as many fail to appreciate or understand that there is help everywhere.  The Family Court was designed to aid victims of domestic violence by issuing orders of protection that can be crafted to direct abusers from remaining away from the victim.  There are domestic violence shelters all throughout the city.  For example, an organization called Safe Horizons helps hundreds of victims of domestic violence each year and assists them in finding appropriate shelters.

Unfortunately, many victims of domestic violence have told me things such as "It was just a slap" or "I wasn't like I was bruised or bleeding."  This is a dangerous slope because, in truth, once an abuser manifests the intention to act out his or her aggression, a threshold has been permanently crossed and rarely, if ever, is that the last time they will act out in that fashion, the fervent hopes of the victims notwithstanding.

That is not to say, of course, that the abusers cannot be helped.  There are plenty of options for them to seek help as well.  For example, the Forestdale Father's Initiative offers wonderful programs to address the abusers' side of domestic violence.

Finally, it is worth pointing out that there are as many kinds of victims of domestic violence as there are abusers.  I have simply tailored this post to the most common scenario where a woman is being abused by a man.  But the reverse happens surprisingly often and there are also same sex couples who experience the ills of domestic violence.  Whatever the configuration of your family, ignoring or minimizing the problem will not help.  Seek the aid of an attorney qualified to work in the family court.  Or, if that step seems too daunting, contact your local precinct.

Believing Too Late

Both in and out of Family Court, women seeking orders of protection are too often confronted with skepticism.  By all who encounter them, police officers, judges, and sometimes even those charged to advocate for them, battered women often have to deal with people who simply cannot accept that they were abused, or that there is "another side to the story".  Such was a case that just ended in New York where the abuser, Jason Bohn, was just sentenced to life in prison for the killing of his girlfriend, Danielle Thomas.  The full story can be seen here.

In Ms. Thomas' case, she already had an order of protection.  Moreover, she had played a recording for the police in which Mr. Bohn had threatened her with even more serious injuries even after the order of protection was issued.  And yet, steps were not taken which may have prevented this tragedy.

It is certainly true that a number of people try to game the system by making false allegations of domestic violence to enable them to become eligible for a number of different city services, including housing.  But as advocates, it is always better to accept the allegations of victims as true, until we are convinced otherwise, if, for no other reason, than to prevent yet another tragedy of this magnitude.

Expanded Access to Family Court - "Intimate Relationships"

For many people seeking orders of protection, the Family Court may now be a possible resource. Previously, the Family Court was limited to hearing cases between spouses, people with a child in common or some form of blood relationship. However, the Famil Court can now hear cases involving issues between two people who are or have been in an "intimate relationship". You can review the specific language of the statute and about some of its implications here.

The question remains. . .what is an "intimate" relationship? Unfortunately, so far, not even the judges and referees have demonstrated a particularly strong understanding of the breadth of this expansion. As a result, in several counties, litigants must be prepared to prove to a designated J.H.O. (judicial hearing officer - generally former judges who now work part time) whether or not they have had an intimate relationship with the person against whom they are now seeking an order of protection.

As there is not much in the way of precedent on this issue, I can only offer my own experience since the law was enacted to give potential parties some guidance. Clearly, couples who lived together, both heterosexual and gay, and never had a child together would qualify, particularly if they had a sexual relationship. And while it is not specifically required that the parties live together or had a sexual relationship, it is unclear whether mere roommates qualify however, as one J.H.O. has ruled that they do have standing to seek an order of protection while another has ruled they have not. The distinguishing factor in these two cases was the length of time they had lived together, the shared nature of their finances, etc. However, absent the usual circumstances of people living together in a sexual relationship, the waters for would-be litigants get pretty murky. This is no doubt complicated by the fact that the last thing the Family Court needs is an onslaught of new litigants further congesting the court's already ridiculously bloated dockets.

For example, should a girlfriend who is being relentlessly harassed by an ex-wife of her new boyfriend have the right to go to Family Court? Should a mother who is assaulted by her former son-in-law have the right? Each case is different and needs to be examined independently. As a general rule, I would suggest that the more substantial and long lasting the connections between the parties, the more likely the Family Court is going permit the alleged victim to seek an order of protection.

The Lesson We Can Learn From K-Rod

Most of the time, the troubles of the rich seem ludicrous, self-imposed or simply beyond our comprehension. But if the plethora of tabloids and celebrity magazines assaulting our sensibilities at the checkout lines of supermarkets are any indication, as a society, we can't seem to get enough of witnessing the mighty fall, the harder the better. It entices us with a disturbing, dirty little pleasure - consuming the gory details of the problems of the well off. But rather than get fixated on the misfortunes of these people, we can take the opportunity to learn valuable lessons.

For example, not long ago, the New York Post, among others, ran a story about K-Rod, the emotionally explosive closing pitcher for the New York Mets. The story in its entirety can be read by clicking here.

In essence, as a result of an altercation with his wife's father, an order of protection (from the Criminal Court) was issued which prevented K-Rod (whose actual name is Francisco Rodriguez) from having any contact whatsoever with his wife. In direct violation of that order, K-Rod sent text messages to his wife. The content of the texts appear to have been innocuous enough (statements of love, apology, etc.) but that did not stop the police from arresting him for violating the order of protection. So now, instead of one legal battle on his hands, K-Rod has two: one for the original assault charge and a second for a charge of criminal contempt of a court order.

Family Court orders of protection are given the same weight as those from the Criminal Court. Moreover, police no longer have discretion about whether to arrest a subject of an order of protection once a violation is alleged (or they're not supposed to). The lesson here is obvious: if you are directed to comply with certain conditions as a result of an order of protection you absolutely must honor those conditions. Violations, even mild ones engaged in with the best of intentions, can land you in deeper trouble than you imagined.