Domestic Violence - Seeing the Signs

An article in the New York Times today reports that a man from Queens is being sought in the shooting death of his girlfriend.  The article can be found here.

Sadly, this story is a historically familiar one.  A man, most likely suffering from some undiagnosed mental health illness, becomes increasingly jealous, whether of real or perceived threats to his relationship with a woman.  His jealously becomes so consuming that he begins to act differently. Hostile.  Unpredictable.  Angry.  Accusatory.

And yet.  Just days before she was shot and killed the victim in today's story expressed no concerns for her own safety.  Indeed, in 20 years of practicing in the Family Courts, I have frequently encountered women who have expressed little to no concern for their safety even after they have been victims of serious domestic violence.  To be sure, many suffer from battered woman's syndrome.

However, just as many fail to appreciate or understand that there is help everywhere.  The Family Court was designed to aid victims of domestic violence by issuing orders of protection that can be crafted to direct abusers from remaining away from the victim.  There are domestic violence shelters all throughout the city.  For example, an organization called Safe Horizons helps hundreds of victims of domestic violence each year and assists them in finding appropriate shelters.

Unfortunately, many victims of domestic violence have told me things such as "It was just a slap" or "I wasn't like I was bruised or bleeding."  This is a dangerous slope because, in truth, once an abuser manifests the intention to act out his or her aggression, a threshold has been permanently crossed and rarely, if ever, is that the last time they will act out in that fashion, the fervent hopes of the victims notwithstanding.

That is not to say, of course, that the abusers cannot be helped.  There are plenty of options for them to seek help as well.  For example, the Forestdale Father's Initiative offers wonderful programs to address the abusers' side of domestic violence.

Finally, it is worth pointing out that there are as many kinds of victims of domestic violence as there are abusers.  I have simply tailored this post to the most common scenario where a woman is being abused by a man.  But the reverse happens surprisingly often and there are also same sex couples who experience the ills of domestic violence.  Whatever the configuration of your family, ignoring or minimizing the problem will not help.  Seek the aid of an attorney qualified to work in the family court.  Or, if that step seems too daunting, contact your local precinct.

Expanded Access to Family Court - "Intimate Relationships"

For many people seeking orders of protection, the Family Court may now be a possible resource. Previously, the Family Court was limited to hearing cases between spouses, people with a child in common or some form of blood relationship. However, the Famil Court can now hear cases involving issues between two people who are or have been in an "intimate relationship". You can review the specific language of the statute and about some of its implications here.

The question remains. . .what is an "intimate" relationship? Unfortunately, so far, not even the judges and referees have demonstrated a particularly strong understanding of the breadth of this expansion. As a result, in several counties, litigants must be prepared to prove to a designated J.H.O. (judicial hearing officer - generally former judges who now work part time) whether or not they have had an intimate relationship with the person against whom they are now seeking an order of protection.

As there is not much in the way of precedent on this issue, I can only offer my own experience since the law was enacted to give potential parties some guidance. Clearly, couples who lived together, both heterosexual and gay, and never had a child together would qualify, particularly if they had a sexual relationship. And while it is not specifically required that the parties live together or had a sexual relationship, it is unclear whether mere roommates qualify however, as one J.H.O. has ruled that they do have standing to seek an order of protection while another has ruled they have not. The distinguishing factor in these two cases was the length of time they had lived together, the shared nature of their finances, etc. However, absent the usual circumstances of people living together in a sexual relationship, the waters for would-be litigants get pretty murky. This is no doubt complicated by the fact that the last thing the Family Court needs is an onslaught of new litigants further congesting the court's already ridiculously bloated dockets.

For example, should a girlfriend who is being relentlessly harassed by an ex-wife of her new boyfriend have the right to go to Family Court? Should a mother who is assaulted by her former son-in-law have the right? Each case is different and needs to be examined independently. As a general rule, I would suggest that the more substantial and long lasting the connections between the parties, the more likely the Family Court is going permit the alleged victim to seek an order of protection.