Bound to a Loveless Marriage

It is hard for many of us to imagine that in the 21st century, there are still people who through religion, cultural, social or familial issues feel they have no choice but to stay in a marriage.  There is an interesting story today in the New York Times, and one that I have literally heard firsthand from numerous members of the Orthodox Jewish community.  The story can be found here.  It is a story about, among other things, the way a woman in the Orthodox Jewish community found her way into a marriage without really knowing the man she was marrying and finding great difficulty trying to extricate herself from that relationship.  Sadly, this is not a story unique to Orthodox Jews.  Women in particular, but sometimes men, have reported feeling obligated to remain in marriages or relationships because of the pressure being brought to bear on them by pastors, ministers, rabbis, etc.  Just as often, however, the pressure comes from parents, friends and others in our social circles.  Make no mistake, the pressures these people feel is both tangible and sometimes crushing. 

It is often helpful to these people to find someone outside of these networks or circles of influence to speak to.  It may be a friend, a therapist, or even an attorney. 

Of course, there are many reasons people choose to stay in loveless marriages/relationships: convenience, children, economics, etc.  But when these relationships veer into abusive behavior, it is during these times that the pressures, wherever they are coming from, become unbearable.  What's more, the abuse adds a whole new dimension of emotional trauma which can complicate the situation even more.

If you or someone you know finds themselves in such a situation, it is critically important that outside help be sought.  A therapist can offer a tremendous amount of support, both emotional and by way of referrals to agencies or individuals that can offer other types of assistance.  Attorneys too can help show people who feel trapped in these situations a way out.  At the very least, they can provide them with invaluable information about what their rights and options are.  Often, as with my office, these consultations cost nothing more than your time.  But it is time well spent. 

You can also click here for help in reaching many New York State Domestic Violence Hotlines. 

In short, there are many, many options for people stuck in relationships or marriages whether the reason is social stigma, domestic violence or any of the countless reasons in between.  But there is no reason to suffer through these emotionally trying situations alone.