In an article that appeared in the New York Times today, which can be found here, we are once again reminded about how the juvenile justice system both in New York and around the country is ill suited to address the needs of children. This is why many states have begun to embrace the notion that detention for children does not have the goal of punishment as its primary goal. Rather, rehabilitation, education and treatment are becoming and should remain the states' top priorities when addressing young people whose behaviors have put them at risk of long term detention.
When a court is faced with a decision as to whether or not to incarcerate a youth, the governing standard is the "least restrictive alternative" which meets the needs of both the youth and the community. However, up until recent years, when it was fairly convincingly shown that the juvenile justice facilities throughout the State were doing more harm than good, judges often gave little more than lip service to that notion. That is starting to change.
If you are a parent of a child who is facing incarceration, it is incumbent upon you, with the help of your child's attorney, to identify what your child's needs are and to actively seek out community based agencies, mental health providers, after school programs, etc., that are designed to meet those needs. Coming to court prepared with a plan is a vital step to preventing your child from becoming yet another statistic, lost in the bowels of a dysfunctional system.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Believing Too Late
Both in and out of Family Court, women seeking orders of protection are too often confronted with skepticism. By all who encounter them, police officers, judges, and sometimes even those charged to advocate for them, battered women often have to deal with people who simply cannot accept that they were abused, or that there is "another side to the story". Such was a case that just ended in New York where the abuser, Jason Bohn, was just sentenced to life in prison for the killing of his girlfriend, Danielle Thomas. The full story can be seen here.
In Ms. Thomas' case, she already had an order of protection. Moreover, she had played a recording for the police in which Mr. Bohn had threatened her with even more serious injuries even after the order of protection was issued. And yet, steps were not taken which may have prevented this tragedy.
It is certainly true that a number of people try to game the system by making false allegations of domestic violence to enable them to become eligible for a number of different city services, including housing. But as advocates, it is always better to accept the allegations of victims as true, until we are convinced otherwise, if, for no other reason, than to prevent yet another tragedy of this magnitude.
In Ms. Thomas' case, she already had an order of protection. Moreover, she had played a recording for the police in which Mr. Bohn had threatened her with even more serious injuries even after the order of protection was issued. And yet, steps were not taken which may have prevented this tragedy.
It is certainly true that a number of people try to game the system by making false allegations of domestic violence to enable them to become eligible for a number of different city services, including housing. But as advocates, it is always better to accept the allegations of victims as true, until we are convinced otherwise, if, for no other reason, than to prevent yet another tragedy of this magnitude.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Are Parents Becoming Irrelevant?
An interesting article appeared in the New York Times in which a study found that the value of parental assistance with a child's educational success was deemed to be nominal at best, harmful at worst. The full article can be found here.
What is interesting about this is that many of the children I have represented over the years have complained bitterly about the lack of involvement that a parent has shown them over the years. Which is to suggest that while a parent may not have any tangible benefit on a child's school performance, there is an inherent value in the time parents and children spend together. That value may not be measured in grades or college admissions, but in a sense of belonging, love, respect and empathy.
We may not be able to drag our kids to the threshold of success, but we can at least accompany them on whatever path they take and find ourselves better off for the journey.
What is interesting about this is that many of the children I have represented over the years have complained bitterly about the lack of involvement that a parent has shown them over the years. Which is to suggest that while a parent may not have any tangible benefit on a child's school performance, there is an inherent value in the time parents and children spend together. That value may not be measured in grades or college admissions, but in a sense of belonging, love, respect and empathy.
We may not be able to drag our kids to the threshold of success, but we can at least accompany them on whatever path they take and find ourselves better off for the journey.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
The Depth of Suffering
Very few who have spent any amount of time in Family Court would debate the idea that it is a place of tremendous suffering. There is scarcely any type of case that is handled there that does not have as its genesis some form of profound suffering. Child abuse and neglect, termination of parental rights, juvenile delinquency, custody and visitation, orders of protection and even child support cases rightly invoke the images of a family that has been fractured and that the familiar places to which we instinctively retreat for safety, our homes, have been torn asunder. In this void, suffering steps in and can overwhelm us. It lays bare deep personal and emotional wounds that, unfortunately, may never heal.
David Brooks, a columnist for the New York Times, has crafted a beautiful essay that explores the purpose and result of suffering. The article can be found here. Mr. Brooks poses the question we have all considered at times in our lives which is: what is the point of my suffering.
Sadly, much of the suffering endured in the Family Court is self-inflicted. Parents who have come to despise one another inflict lifelong wounds on their children by continuing a battle for custody. Indeed, in just about every case pending in Family Court, it is the children who simultaneously suffer the most and have the least ability to address the causes. And so their suffering is without purpose, without end and without justification. And the repercussions of this suffering are far too wide ranging to address here. Suffice to say, litigants in Family Court will not, as Mr. Brooks suggests, find the suffering they and their families endure there to be ennobling in any way. And this is why it is often safest and in the best interests of their families to put an end to it with all due haste.
David Brooks, a columnist for the New York Times, has crafted a beautiful essay that explores the purpose and result of suffering. The article can be found here. Mr. Brooks poses the question we have all considered at times in our lives which is: what is the point of my suffering.
Sadly, much of the suffering endured in the Family Court is self-inflicted. Parents who have come to despise one another inflict lifelong wounds on their children by continuing a battle for custody. Indeed, in just about every case pending in Family Court, it is the children who simultaneously suffer the most and have the least ability to address the causes. And so their suffering is without purpose, without end and without justification. And the repercussions of this suffering are far too wide ranging to address here. Suffice to say, litigants in Family Court will not, as Mr. Brooks suggests, find the suffering they and their families endure there to be ennobling in any way. And this is why it is often safest and in the best interests of their families to put an end to it with all due haste.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Sailing On the Rocky Seas of Child Neglect
Its a dream many of us have: sailing around the world, completely disconnected from cell phones, email, Twitter, Facebook, television and the thousands of other little distractions that make modern life seem like little more than an unending series of minor distractions and aggravations that constantly tug at our ever decreasing attention spans and, in the end, leave us almost feeling less than human. For Eric and Charlotte Kauffman, that dream became a reality when the boarded a sailboat in Mexico and headed for New Zealand. The fact that they never made it to New Zealand and instead had to be rescued by the U.S. Navy would have scarcely captured anyone's notice had they not taken their two children, Cora and Lyra, ages one and three respectively, with them. The entire story of the family's ordeal can be found here.
The firestorm of criticism set off by this case is both understandable and enlightening. To be sure, the Kauffmans took an enormous risk when they boarded that boat with two children who were utterly and totally dependent on their parents for virtually anything. In the event of an accident, the Kauffmans would not only have to figure out how to save themselves, but their children as well. But the case prompts more philosophical questions as well. Specifically, is the outrage against the Kauffmans at least, in part, fueled by the fact that they have chosen a different path in which to raise their children? Do we simultaneously envy and scorn their choice? These are difficult questions which different people will reach different conclusions to.
One might also consider that those who traveled west during the expansion of the American frontier took just as many, if not greater, chances with their children. They had no access to medical care and were faced daily with the prospect of starvation, dehydration and attack by wild animals. And yet we laud these people in our history books and elevate them to the status of heroes. Is what the Kauffmans did so entirely different? Their frontier was certainly different, but it offered similar potential for adventure and a life altogether different from the one that many of us choose, one that is filled with conveniences and safety. And, one that we frequently wish we could escape from.
Questions of a far less extreme example can be seen everyday in Family Court. For example, parents who decline medicine or transfusions on religious grounds pose similar and perhaps thornier questions. The point is that there is almost another side to the story, and quite often, it is important that that story not only be told, but understood by those responsible for casting judgment on persons charged with child neglect.
The firestorm of criticism set off by this case is both understandable and enlightening. To be sure, the Kauffmans took an enormous risk when they boarded that boat with two children who were utterly and totally dependent on their parents for virtually anything. In the event of an accident, the Kauffmans would not only have to figure out how to save themselves, but their children as well. But the case prompts more philosophical questions as well. Specifically, is the outrage against the Kauffmans at least, in part, fueled by the fact that they have chosen a different path in which to raise their children? Do we simultaneously envy and scorn their choice? These are difficult questions which different people will reach different conclusions to.
One might also consider that those who traveled west during the expansion of the American frontier took just as many, if not greater, chances with their children. They had no access to medical care and were faced daily with the prospect of starvation, dehydration and attack by wild animals. And yet we laud these people in our history books and elevate them to the status of heroes. Is what the Kauffmans did so entirely different? Their frontier was certainly different, but it offered similar potential for adventure and a life altogether different from the one that many of us choose, one that is filled with conveniences and safety. And, one that we frequently wish we could escape from.
Questions of a far less extreme example can be seen everyday in Family Court. For example, parents who decline medicine or transfusions on religious grounds pose similar and perhaps thornier questions. The point is that there is almost another side to the story, and quite often, it is important that that story not only be told, but understood by those responsible for casting judgment on persons charged with child neglect.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Child Abuse - Not Always What It Seems
Quite often, we make assumptions about the people who abuse their children. We assume they were bad people, were abused themselves as children, or otherwise fit into some pre-conceived stereotype. And the thing about stereotypes is that they are frequently true.
But there are times when the story does not fit the mold. Such is the story of Amanda Bishop, who left her two small children in a car whose inner temperature was in the 100s and climbing. The children were observed crying hysterically by a passer-by who called the police. The full story of Ms. Bishop can be found here.
But Ms. Bishop was not out at a nightclub, doing drugs or at her boyfriend's house. She was without childcare and at a job interview. It was her hope to get the job that would help lift her family out of years of poverty in which they had been mired. And while it is certainly never acceptable to leave small children unattended in a car, particularly on a hot day, one can begin to understand the reasons that led Ms. Bishop to this desperate act.
To be sure, there is plenty of cynicism in Family Courts across the country. However, having worked with hundreds and hundreds of families over the years, I have found that there is usually another side to the story. Articulating a parent's side of the story can and often does mean a world of difference in how a parent's abuse or neglect case turns out in the end.
But there are times when the story does not fit the mold. Such is the story of Amanda Bishop, who left her two small children in a car whose inner temperature was in the 100s and climbing. The children were observed crying hysterically by a passer-by who called the police. The full story of Ms. Bishop can be found here.
But Ms. Bishop was not out at a nightclub, doing drugs or at her boyfriend's house. She was without childcare and at a job interview. It was her hope to get the job that would help lift her family out of years of poverty in which they had been mired. And while it is certainly never acceptable to leave small children unattended in a car, particularly on a hot day, one can begin to understand the reasons that led Ms. Bishop to this desperate act.
To be sure, there is plenty of cynicism in Family Courts across the country. However, having worked with hundreds and hundreds of families over the years, I have found that there is usually another side to the story. Articulating a parent's side of the story can and often does mean a world of difference in how a parent's abuse or neglect case turns out in the end.
The Risk of Parental Alienation
As discussed in prior posts, parental alienation is an insidious tactic used by one parent against another to attempt to turn children against another parent. Custodial parents who do this should be aware of the enormous psychological and emotion trauma they inflict on their children. But aside from that, the Second Department has recently re-affirmed its fealty to the idea that a custodial parent who goes to such efforts to alienate a child from another parent runs the further risk of losing his or her right to child support. The full decision can be seen here.
In making this decision, the non-custodial parent who finds themselves alienated from the child now has a powerful weapon in their arsenal. They should not hesitate to use it.
In making this decision, the non-custodial parent who finds themselves alienated from the child now has a powerful weapon in their arsenal. They should not hesitate to use it.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Breaking the Cycle of Foster Care Through Education
It does not take an inordinate amount of insight nor a wealth of experience in Family Court to appreciate the fact that foster children generally are deprived of what most of us would consider a "normal" childhood. It is this life of severe, punitive and utterly undeserved deprivation that often results in foster children themselves growing up to become juvenile delinquents, criminal defendants and neglectful parents themselves. Having had the benefit of practicing in Family Court for nearly 20 years, I have been there long enough to have represented children placed in foster care, only to come across them again, years later, as either juvenile delinquents or respondents themselves in child abuse and neglect cases.
The ones I never see again, in court anyway, are generally the ones that, in spite of overwhelming odds, and without a great deal of outside support, demonstrate the grit, determination and will to get educations. As a general rule, it is often challenging enough to get many foster children through high school. But, as more fully discussed in an article in the New York Times here, some colleges are trying to get children in foster care to aspire to more than that by offering special programs that cater to their needs. These programs include counseling, support groups, programs for career development and, of course, financial aid. These are extremely laudable efforts by higher institutions which are trying to bring a previously deprived demographic into their academic fold.
What is also not commonly known is that as a foster child, the child is entitled to have the foster care agency contribute to the cost of a college education. Moreover, they can assist children in securing other financial assistance, housing, employment and a host of other services. And as more fully discussed here, that assistance does not end once the child is adopted.
Having a safe, secure home is obviously the top priority for an abused or neglected child. But once that child is safe, all of us who are charged with helping that child reach his or her fullest potential (judges, referees, case workers, social workers, therapists, attorneys for children, foster parents, etc.) must do more to bring that potential to fruition and, once and for all, break the cycle of foster care.
The ones I never see again, in court anyway, are generally the ones that, in spite of overwhelming odds, and without a great deal of outside support, demonstrate the grit, determination and will to get educations. As a general rule, it is often challenging enough to get many foster children through high school. But, as more fully discussed in an article in the New York Times here, some colleges are trying to get children in foster care to aspire to more than that by offering special programs that cater to their needs. These programs include counseling, support groups, programs for career development and, of course, financial aid. These are extremely laudable efforts by higher institutions which are trying to bring a previously deprived demographic into their academic fold.
What is also not commonly known is that as a foster child, the child is entitled to have the foster care agency contribute to the cost of a college education. Moreover, they can assist children in securing other financial assistance, housing, employment and a host of other services. And as more fully discussed here, that assistance does not end once the child is adopted.
Having a safe, secure home is obviously the top priority for an abused or neglected child. But once that child is safe, all of us who are charged with helping that child reach his or her fullest potential (judges, referees, case workers, social workers, therapists, attorneys for children, foster parents, etc.) must do more to bring that potential to fruition and, once and for all, break the cycle of foster care.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Mediation - Resolving Your Own Differences
There is little doubt among professionals who encounter custody and visitation cases, whether those professionals be judges, referees, lawyers, social workers or mediators, that the most qualified people to resolve these cases are the mother and father. Sometimes, however, the level of communication between the parties is less than ideal. At other times, one or both parties may not be entirely sure of what their legal rights and responsibilities are and therefore become reluctant to negotiate "in the dark." It is at times like these that an attorney and/or mediator can be of vital assistance in helping to bridge the gap between parties who are considering litigation.
At the very least mediation can help crystallize the issues that cannot be resolved without the need for litigation. Even this is a laudable goal since it will focus the scope of litigation and therefore reduce the time and expense. But more often, parents who have reasonable expectations can craft a workable plan without the need of litigation. This is usually ideal for both parties as it allows them to create a plan for parenting time that comports with their own schedules, rather than having a plan imposed on them by a third party stranger and then have to "make it work".
My advice to parents who are considering litigation is to take the time to meet with the other parent with the assistance of a qualified mediator. It is a small investment that will pay enormous financial, as well as emotional, dividends.
At the very least mediation can help crystallize the issues that cannot be resolved without the need for litigation. Even this is a laudable goal since it will focus the scope of litigation and therefore reduce the time and expense. But more often, parents who have reasonable expectations can craft a workable plan without the need of litigation. This is usually ideal for both parties as it allows them to create a plan for parenting time that comports with their own schedules, rather than having a plan imposed on them by a third party stranger and then have to "make it work".
My advice to parents who are considering litigation is to take the time to meet with the other parent with the assistance of a qualified mediator. It is a small investment that will pay enormous financial, as well as emotional, dividends.
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