A wonderful article about what foster parents go through when a foster child leaves their home appeared today in the New York Times. The article can be found here.
In Family Court, the longer a child stays in foster care, the more inclined a court is to terminate a parent's parental rights. The logic behind this is that children who spend a considerable period of time in a foster home, especially those placed in foster care at a young age, develop significant bonds with their foster parents and disrupting those bonds usually proves harmful to the children.
Rarely, if ever, do we stop to consider the harm that is done to the foster parent who has also developed a bond with the child. To be sure, family reunification is a laudable goal. And foster parents know what they are getting themselves into and assume the risk of "losing" a child to a parent that overcomes whatever challenges led to the removal of their children. But that does not necessarily make the pain accompanied with the loss any less tangible.
It takes a person of enormous strength of character to voluntarily become a foster parent. It is a daunting task to reassemble the pieces of a broken child. Having accomplished that, one hopes, it is profoundly difficult to let that child go knowing that the work that was done may be yet again undone. More importantly, it is even harder to let go of those we love. And, ultimately, that is what it takes to be a successful foster parent and from whence all other necessary attributes such as empathy, patience and kindness flow. . . love.
